I am gonna start off by saying I am a bit pissed, perturbed or upset.

MS has taken away the ability to hang something. It might not be upsetting to you but I walked away throwing my artwork (a canvas flag) and started to cry. That was the last straw for me.

I felt robbed.

I was to start my CBS “homework” but this happened first. We are learning He is with us, however, it sure doesn’t feel that way when we find ourselves in situations like that.

Do you know what the shortest verse in the Bible is? “Jesus wept.” I know that because many teens told me that.

If Jesus wept, He knows the sadness that overwhelms a heart.

This month is MS Awareness month. The month those that suffer from this disease want to either forget about it or pass the knowledge on & let you know what it’s like for them.

I choose the second one.

Sure, I would like to forget and not suffer from it. I will not lie.

However, I am gonna be an open book. It causes drainage in your relationships. You experience a fear of missing out (FOMO) because you no longer can do the things you once did. Your mood, personality, schedule, habits change. You become a new you. Still remembering the old person.

At first it was my balance that was affected. Then COVID struck. I developed a pain in my face that struck every 2-4 hours. I had to wait for my “episode” to pass and slept in between episodes. Needless to say, I was not jolly then. Certain things could set them off too. (Cold was one of them). It wasn’t until a procedure performed on me stopped that.

Now, my symptoms can and have accelerated. My lesions are in the right spot for that. Now, pretty much my balance is way off, I have no real use, like I used to, of my dominate hand, I mostly speak like I have marbles in my mouth and sometimes cannot control my volume, I sometimes close my eye and look like I could be a pirate. (Arg!), lastly, one big symptom is my right foot drags a little. Those are just some of my symptoms too.

The fatigue…oh, the fatigue. I really struggle with that now. I am often using borrowed time or spoons (look up Spoon Theory). I can easily be worn out from one task. I used to clean our house from back to front on one morning. Now, I can vacuum one room & I need to take a break. If I don’t, I will pay for it later. Fatigue is a symptom that affects me the most. You can usually tell when I am experiencing this. I know I shut down to conserve my energy.

I am damaged goods. However, He will always love me.

I am so thankful for this. It gives me me hope.