I don’t write about him. I don’t talk about him as much as I would like. I am struggling and I was only on his route. I really miss him.

Loosing my mail carrier the way I did. My friend.

I still remember his words, “Julie…why are you so nice?” My response, “God.”

I don’t remember much after saying that.

Looking at the two as I write. The similarities that stand out to me, their names both begin with “J” and they are/were my friend. Loved me even after seeing parts of my life, my imperfections including my disability.

I am not elevating Jay to Jesus level. It may seem that way. I am just comparing the two.

I am sitting out on my back porch a.k.a patio. I could be writing about the security I feel, the beauty created, the spider webs I see, the birds chattering or the music I am listening to. Instead I share what I am struggling with that is not MS.

Grief… you can grieve who you were and what was. A thing not to say to a person grieving, “It could be worse or other people have it worse.” (I imagine punching you in the throat).

That may be true BUT it doesn’t feel that way. Even if we have Him, we still have questions. Questions of, “Why?”

When my dad passed, I had those questions and I was mad at God for taking him when others stayed. I was not easy to live with. I am trying to remember if our son was still living with us. I think J was.

God helped me grieve and He walked with me at a distance as I put Him there. I can see that now. That is part of my testimony, my story…who I am.

Jesus Wept. – John 11:35 NIV

The shortest verse in the Bible. I know as the youth I worked with told me.

It may be short but it says so much. He was human, He had feelings and a friend. He felt sorrow. He knew the whole picture, the ending.

He knows Jay’s full story. He knows the ending even when we don’t.